I had a dream a few nights ago ... could've been the pain meds from getting my wisdom teeth removed ... could've been God. I'm betting on at least a bit of both.

A friend and I were at a Dodge/Chrysler lot, just looking around. The manager came over to us and said "See that pile of keys over there? Go pick one, hit the panic button & the car that sounds is yours!" We were shocked. Of course, we ran right over - grabbed a set of keys and went outside to find our new cars. For some reason ours were right next to each other. Mine was a dodge car, not too fancy. Weird creamy color with bad red trim. His had a great red finish but was a funky shape (Don't ask...). My first thought was to look around, see if I could run back inside and pick a different key without the manager noticing. My friend & I decided to take a stroll around the lot to see if there were any others & just plan to talk to the manager if that were the case. We didn't see any we liked better but by the time we got back around to where we started, the ones we had the first pick to were gone! We were in such disbelief. People were taking off everywhere in new, free cars like they couldn't get out of the parking lot fast enough & here we were critiquing the 2 we were given.

Our hearts sank at what we lost & we left empty handed.

I've been thinking about this dream for a few days, really uneasy about it. Am I that ungrateful? Am I that close to situations that I can't step back and see, first of all, I'm being given a blessing? A free car is being given to me & I can't look around quick enough to find one in a better color? It makes me wonder what I've missed. How many things have I passed by, relationships overlooked, or blessings have I given back?

Why should I get the luxury of picking the color of my blessing?

I can't think of a particular thing that I have handled in this way, but maybe that's just it. I can't help but feel a sense of loss ... embarrassment even to think that I would act that way. Maybe that's why a few of my prayers seem to go unanswered? Maybe I just didn't like what God was offering. It makes me sick to think that I've gone around "the lot", even if just once, to see if there was anything better, only to leave empty handed.